wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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