the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just found puke in my bra..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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