i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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