Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
