This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
