I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
