Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
