She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
