my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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