I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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