i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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