I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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