no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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