the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
