A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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