Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
