the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
