Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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