I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
