Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
how drunk are you?
Several
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
