It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
