are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
