Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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