He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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