I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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