where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
