I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
