If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
