he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
