i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
