So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
