Dual....:-)
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
