And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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