I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
