Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
