bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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