I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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