member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
