When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
