at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
