he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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