another moral hangover. fuck.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
