she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
