I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
