You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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