You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
