You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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