I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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