Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
