What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
