What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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