i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Randomize
