Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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