Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
