Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
