so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
