I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
